Saturday, October 31, 2009

Happy Halloween!!!!!!

Well today is the day when all the spooks and goblins and monsters get to come out and play for the day lol... I hope everyone has a safe and happy halloween. I will be taking my 3 youngest boys out trick or treating this I spent alot of money on costumes sheesh who knew it would be so expensive..

This year instead of my little pirate brigade I have Wolverine from X-men ( alas not the uber yummy Hugh Jackman), Spiderman ( Alas not Toby Mcguire either), and last but not least Darth Vader is making an appearance via my 6 year old hehehehe. So I have 2 superheros and a villan go figure. Anyway everyone be safe tonight.. I will try to get pics of the boys if I can convince my FIL to let me use his camera..

Thursday, October 29, 2009

I can't believe it's been 4 Years......

It is so hard to believe it has been four years today that my beautiful little boy took his own life at the age of 13 years old. It has been a long road for me to over come my anger and resentment over this.. I would never wish my pain on anyone even my worst enemy. I miss Alex more and more everyday and no one can imagine what is going on in my head.. The could of's , should of's etc etc.. But I can't spend my life that way.. If i did I would be no goof to anyone or my other children who need me.. Anyway i wanted this post to be a celebration about Alex not a downer..

When Alex was born he didn't breath for the first 5 minutes because the cord had been wrapped around his neck, but he was a fighter and he was fine and he thrived. The song I called his song was " Little Fighter" by White Lion and it sort of became an anthem for him.. When I get down I listen to that song and i think of Alex. He was a happy little boy he loved everyone.. He loved his baby brothers and he loved being a big brother. My 6 year old Brian looks just like Alex in the picture above except Brian has close cropped blond hair and the both have the same smile literally at the moment, Brian's left front tooth ( the right hand side of the pic above) has finally come in and it looks just like Alex's smile above.. I thought this picture of Alex was perfect so I made this layout yesterday of him so I could feel closer to my boy. My son Brian tells me Alex is his angel now and since I brought Alex's ashes home Brian tells me he will look out for his brother now the way Alex looked out for him and his brothers.

I miss you Alley cat and I love you so very much and I always will. I just wish I could hug and kiss you, or here your silly laugh. You had the best sense of humor and the greatest laugh. I was truly blessed to have you in my life and to be your mother. Thank you everyone for allowing me to tell you just a little bit about my son. It helps that I can talk about him. My mission in life since this has happened is to make sure no other parent ever has to go through this pain of losing their child to suicide, I try to let people know what to look for and how to help. Knowlege is power if I had known what had been happening with my son maybe he would still be here..

Monday, October 12, 2009

Today is Thanksgiving and an anniversary

Here in Canada it's Thanksgiving again I stopped celebrating 7 years ago after my mother passed away at the age of 52. So that makes the second part of my title 7 years ago today my mother passed away. It was very sudden and very unexpected. When she passed away I was 7 months pregnant with my fourth son..

I was told by my father that since I am the oldest that I had to be strong for my younger sister who coincidentally was not pregnant but extremely close to my mother. My parents had split up when I was 3 years old but they had remained friends.. So I did what my father asked and was strong for my sister, at home was different. My husband had come into the kitchen and I burst into tears he asked me what's wrong I told him that I just made a coffee and I thought how sad it was my mother would never have another coffee ever again. He hugged me and told me he loved me. He was my rock my mother's funeral was the first funeral he ever attended and he was fabulous he shook every one's hands and thanked them for coming..

I know I am rambling but it helps me through this time... My mother's death is the reason why I got into scrapbooking I wanted to create an album of her for my boys to know her you see my 3 youngest children will never know her because Andrew was only 1 year old when she passed and Brian was still in utero, and wee Christopher hadn't even been thought of yet. My mother loved her grandchildren and I wanted my boys to know that. I am just thankful that my mother and I patched up our differences before she died and I have no regrets.

I miss you mom I know you are at peace now and I love you very much

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Here is Week 3 Entry

Ror Urban Anthology's got Talent competition please go over and vote for me please ands thank you hehehe. Nothing like a little self promotion.....

Anyway this week we had to design out own sketch and make a layout based on that well I did.... so here it is... I uploaded both my sketch and my layout for you to look at thanks for looking and remember to go vote..

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

QKD Blog Hop

Head on ovewr for the blog hop they are having a give away on this blog

Make sure you head over and tell them I sent ya